I'm Right Here

God overwhelms me sometimes...In a good way.

Before I left San Antonio, I was told to "trust in the Spirit" as I discerned the next steps in returning back to San Diego. At the time, I didn't understand what that really meant and how that would manifest completely. However, looking back, I realized that in the first four months since my return home, that's all I really could have done and it's taken me right where I should be...right here.

God was incredibly gentle in my transition. I spent time with family and friends that I missed dearly, I was back out on the dance floor, I found myself among beloved middle school and high school students, I discovered a church that I love, and I devoted large parts of my days to reflection and prayer.

The questions kept rising, "Where am I going next? Who do you want me to love? How do you want me to love?" All these big questions both frightened and excited me because I knew that God would somehow answer them. Would I be ready and willing to listen?

Thomas Merton talks about vocation as a simple attraction, a heartfelt pull. It became obvious that I was in the right spot when I couldn't contain my heart from nearly leaping out of my chest.

Everyday, I wake up simply ready and yearning to start the day because I am so excited of what it holds. I'm back at LJPC, and I have the opportunity to be with such incredible people - high school students. Each one of them teaches me something beautiful, and I am humbled to be a part of their lives. They are a gift to those around them; they simply glow of Christ's presence through their authenticity, silliness and concern for others.

Yet, at times I feel like Moses when he stands in front of the burning bush, doubting himself. I find myself asking the same questions, "Why did you choose me? Are you sure you are talking about me? Who am I to do this?" God embraces me and lovingly reminds me of my own needed areas of growth, only to reveal that I must depend on God, for God will be there always.

I am humbled and grateful for the way God moves in our lives. St. Ignatius teaches us that God can be discovered everywhere. Yes, we tend to find God in the extraordinary and noteworthy moments, but God is also found in the unexpected and ordinary places as well. Very simply and gently, God shows up. Do I always recognize God? Definitely not. But those glimpses remind me that God's been there the whole time.

Through these moments of recognition, God continues to transform me, drawing me closer to God's own heart. I'm grateful for what I've experienced along the way; the forgiveness I've had to seek, the life lessons I've learned, the joy in knowing that each one of us is so precious and that God simply looks at us with delight, loving us without condition. I've still got a long ways to go on my journey towards Christ, but that heartfelt pull keeps tugging me along.

God shows up everywhere, and you don't have to work in a church or in ministry to experience God's grace. Look on your day with gratitude, for the obvious and the not-so obvious. God continues to lead you somewhere, all the while showing you that you're never alone and always in God's loving embrace. And that's right where you should be...right here.